Archive.The Future.Sign.Diaryland

2002-01-15

She Begins It's All Been Done

There is nothing I can't stand more than when my 'old friend' takes advantage of those who are less athletic than she. It just plain bugs me. She partners up with the weakest person in the class who will actually agree to be with her and runs faster than them during the drill just to make herself look good. How disgusting can you be? You don't take advantage of another person's weakness. Unless of course your some sort of evil person who just does that. In gym class you're supposed to help each other learn and understand the drill, not speed past them in an effort to get a good grade by yourself. Look at it this way, you aren't the best at sports and you don't understand a particular drill that most of the other people do. To save yourself from embarrassment you decide not to ask. If your partner were courteous enough, they would figure that you don't understand due to your lack of athletic skill and ask if you'd like them to explain. That is part of teamwork is it not? To make sure the team understands what's going on and other such things that involve communication, that's teamwork. Even if the drill involves you going against your partner, you should still show some courtesy. Hmph, I wonder what my 'old friend' even got in gym with that kind of behaviour? I hope the teacher's smart enough to realize that her show-off ways are going to get her nowhere very fast.

Once again I seem to be lacking that feeling of belonging. I feel cast out, different. I don't mind being different, I'd rather be weird than completely boring, but being weird can go against you sometimes. When you're the only one who doesn't clique with the others. When you're the only one that realizes the effects of a clique first hand in many different ways. I could map out perfectly all the cliques that exist in my grade. It's kind of scary too, because they don't even seem to notice until it's brought right up in front of their face. They keep on being exclusive and at a lot of times annoying and obnoxious. Of course cliques aren't entirely bad, it's great just to have a circle of friends that hand out all the time and have fun. And yet, it's even better to be open minded about people. (I must have mentioned my dislike for cliques multiple times in here.) It gets really frustrating after a while when you are the only one unclique-a-fied. I hope they all grow out of it really soon.

They're laughing, she knows they are. She can feel their laughter even though they aren't out loud. As soon as she stops listening in they talk about her. 'What is she doing there?' 'Who invited her?' 'What a loser.' Oh she knows what they're saying, she knows perfectly well. She doesn't seem to care, doesn't show that she does. He thought she was something she's not. He lost interest at first glance. She's the loner, the strange one, the one who doesn't fit in properly.

If she didn't go she would probably be up until morning talking to him on instant messenger. He makes her laugh a lot now. Even though he can be insulting. She wonders what the connection is between him and her. Is there one in the first place? She has yet to figure out her feelings about that one. Should she, or should she not go out with them all. She knows a few of them, but hasn't seen or talked to them in a while or not really. It would be strange. She is undecided. She worries that possible the few that do know her will ignore or forget that she is there completely. That would be lonely she thinks. That would add to the others laughing at her. The question remains unanswered, like a prayer in the dark.

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